Mt. Tremblant, Quebec Province, Canada – 8/2003 & Boston, 8/2003   2nd year I’ve been here. Last year I couldn’t get over how beautiful the area was (an hr & half drive from Montreal) and the golf lessons were great (yes, I still suck, but at least now I know WHY when I hit an errant shot!). The price, due to the Canadian dollar, was like the entire trip was “on sale.”  So I went back.  The price I got to fly? IF I included a Saturday nite, the Roundtrip Logan (Boston) to Montreal, was under $200.  Hit the one casino in Montreal and won $200.00.  Rented a car & drove. Incredible places on the way (San Savior or something like that is halfway – what a nice place).  Of course everything is “in season” so I couldn’t get a hotel room for Saturday night. Someone told me about ONE place, a “Swiss Inn” about half hour’s drive from Mt. Tremblant. Slept the entire night with all the lights on and said “excuse me” to the bugs in the shower when showering in the morning. But the hotel family were really nice.  Then I got to the golf place.  What a place. Words don’t do justice.  The place is incredible. Last year I complained how I loved the Golf place, but the staff at the hotel was atrocious.  This year, a new low. What assholes the French are.  This would be some spectacular resort area  if there weren't any French. Example: When the smoke alarm went off at 4:30 am & I called reception, they said they'd send SECURITY.  So I had to stay up for them to tell me these smoke detectors suck. I know. I have the EXACT same BRAND and mine went off too often too.  So after staying up for this wisdom, I went back to bed. Two hrs later, it went on again. I put 2 pillows over head & went back to sleep. Don't know when they shut off.  Today I went to reception to ask (a) where to park my car since the lot is full - they told me where & how to get back to my room  - take the elevator to the 4th floor causeway.  The elevator is only THREE floors! Then I asked if I could pull the alarm out of the wall.  They said, "No" we will send someone.  Of course when I finally (3/4 hr later) found my hotel room, security had been here AND pulled the alarm out of the wall!!!  But the golf was good. Then I went to Boston for the NYS Land Title Convention (which is never held in NYS). Met Marcelle at the train station. She came up from New York and missed the blackout (Boston wasn’t effected at all).  We stayed in the Copley Plaza Hotel. Old, ostentatious and supposedly redone. The place is also known as the hotel where John Kerry’s Jewish grandfather committed suicide because of the 20s crash by blowing his brains out in the lobby’s men’s room.  Fortunately, they’ve cleaned it since then.  I’m getting senile. It was midnight, when I called to complain about the endless SMALL bugs in the bathroom, and while on the phone, a bug bigger than my thumb walked past me and I swear it stopped and waved one of his tentacles at us. So I yelled and they sent someone to move us. Of course I left the suit I had just put in the closet.  Hope the bugs enjoy it. I realized it several months later!  Moved us to a newly redone area of the hotel. The tile job was an abomination in the bathroom and the fire/smoke alarms apparently work as well as in Mt. Tremblant (at 2 AM) !!!  Eventually I got some sleep and contemplated my next vacation …..   Thanksgiving Vacation 2003: Since my kids have no interest in being with me the past few years, I’ve been to relatives; gone to Vegas by myself, etc.  This time I decided to go away with Marcelle (the woman I’ve been dating for the past year) to England. I was SOOO rushed.  I have so much on my plate. I need to chill badly.  I never bothered looking at my tickets.  Now I remember why in College I did what Bush, Gore & Clinton did (and inhaled a LOT). I used to be mellow. I needed an hour more to finish everything I had to do. I couldn’t do it. Ran and got Marcelle and spent over an hour and a half from my house to Marcelle’s and then into traffic to JFK. Got there, parked the car in the JFK Long-Term Lot. As the bus came, he told us, “the International Continental Flight using Virgin Airways is at Gate 4. We got to Gate 4 and shlepped our considerable luggage up elevators and escalators.  We got to the Continental help desk (terminal seemed AWFUL quiet). She looked at us and said “Going Virgin to England through a Continental ticket?” I said “Yes, how did you know?”. She replied, “The bus driver does it all day. You need to be in Terminal ONE”  We ran like crazy, worried about being late. Got to the terminal one and the line was huge. They said we’d need two hours to clear check-in of luggage and customs. I explained that our flight was in an hour. They said there were NO flights in an hour. I showed them our tickets. They said: “Have you looked at the tickets since you bought them online while you were probably working or doing something else?” I said “No, WHY?”. They said: “ ’Cause your flight is at NEWARK airport” (15 minutes away from my house). The silence was palatable. Marcelle looked like she was gonna explode.  I said “what do we do?”.  He said get in line and get a “Stand-By” number.  We waited an hour to get to the front. I explained how harried I was. The guy at check in explained that there were three flights, all sold out and overbooked. We stood no shot. Marcelle started screaming AT HIM and not me. I couldn’t understand her at all.  I had told Marcelle when I first met her that things happen to me for a reason and that they usually work out okay if not BETTER and perfect. (e.g., if my ex wasn’t crap and did her adultery thing, I’d still be married to her. And I’m DEFINITELY better off without her!) He told us we were “Stand-By” and to come back after we had eaten dinner in one of the airport dives. They started to board. Called out that only EIGHT people from the Stand-By list would be called because of people that hadn’t made the flight. We were numbers 6 & 7.  The flight from JFK went to Heathrow. Our (Newark) flight went to Gatwick.  So we ended up at our hotel a half hour EARLIER than if I had looked at the ticket and traveled as planned.  I was about to tell Marcelle “I told you so, it usually works out for me” but figured she’d (rightfully) kill me.  So I said nothing.  London – 3rd time I’ve been there. Amazing for a country that is a “world class” country – everything closes early. Trains stop running by midnight; restaurants and shops close early. Not impressive. Love the accent! No one speaks American or sounds like us (New York) for some strange reason. Next trip was Xmas to 1/4/2004 to the Orient. My Observations on Hong Kong & Tokyo: Hong Kong – they eat stuff that may be absolutely fine, but not for my palate. A big delicacy is taking the tentacles from a “Cuttlefish” (Squid family) and coating them with spices (NOT breadcrumbs) and dropping them in hot oil, then putting them out to be “sucked down and chewed”.  As they were going into the mouths of the people, I could swear the tentacles looked like they were waving “bye, bye” as they disappeared down the throats of the people eating them.  Another big thing is taking the leftover fish products (bones, guts), mashing them up with some flour and deep frying them as “fish balls”. (We passed on eating that too). I picked out some stuff from the various brochures (Hong Kong is packed, but very very tourist friendly) for us to do.  One thing I found offensive was the shills/hawkers trying to sell you everything (want a Rolex for cheap, a bag, a suit?) as you walk down the busy tourist streets.  They were always NON-Chinese – Indian or Black.  HAD to buy a custom-made suit or something. Hong Kong is known for it’s tailors and cheap prices for custom work. So I ended up with a tuxedo custom made for cheap.  They have actual “sections” of the City that sell the same thing. Sort of like the Bowery in Manhattan used to be known for electrical and store supplies and for its drunks.  So there’s the new car dealers, all in a row. In another part of town, there’s the furniture stores, all lined up. In the tourist places, there must have been a thousand cellphone stores, optical stores and watch stores in a row. And, of course, like every city, jewelry. In this case, Hong Kong is known for Pearls, cultured and non-cultured (Ocean and non Ocean). I figure if it’s cultured it means it was an oyster that said “thank-you” when the humans took it’s pearl. I learned otherwise. Of course we had to buy a necklace for Marcelle. We WERE in Hong Kong and it’s a must!  The room we stayed in was phenomenal for the price, except they could use Charmin in that country.  I retire and I’m opening up a Charmin distributorship in Hong Kong. No wonder their eyes slant (Okay, it’s a joke, for those offended). For 38 yrs they have held a month-long exposition of the local wares of all types (Hong Kong Expo).  We were there just in time. I highly recommend it.  We saw wood-works and “chotchkas” that would knock your socks off. Great quality and great prices. We brought back way too much, but felt it was well worth it.   They had endless food places selling their wares (yup, free samples galore). The Hong Kong equivalent of Spam. Four cans for $20. When I explained I only wanted one to give to someone as a goof gift (I have a friend that actually likes Spam), they GAVE me a can and refused to take a dime. Such was typical Hong Kong hospitality.  There was one place selling 5  bottles of their local soda brews, each a different variety of soda OR 4 cans of two other varieties for $5. We liked one variety from each group, so asked if we could get 2 of the 5 and 2 of the 4, and we’d still pay $20. They explained it was beyond their comprehension to mix and match like that – no one else had asked that – Chinese are too regimented to have such thoughts since the SIGNS clearly said 4 of one group or 5 of the other group, so we ended up with the 5 for $5. & got all the same flavor. So un-Jewish. They could have “made” on us by selling us 2 of the group of 5 and 2 from the group of 4 for the $20, but refused to “bend” the rules. It’s what I think has made Jews last for millennia as a group.  I looked up the “strange” ingredients in the drink I liked. Here they are: Lucid Ganoderma, Root of Membranous Milkvetch, Medlar and Morus Alba. Tasted delish but I don’t think it’d sell in NYC: a berry native to their region similar to Blackberry. A fruit that tastes like a cinnamon-coated apple, native to middle east and asia regions. Something called milkvetch (I kid you not) that didn’t taste like milk and didn’t complain (kvetch) and a type of mushroom ground up into powder. Add water and a little local bee honey and you have the drink (5 for $5.00).  Abalone, hot water, shrimp and noodles was a very big competitor there.  Lots of strange teas and stuff.  The brochures said the best view was from a shopping structure atop a mountain called The Peak (or something like that).  We decided to go. Train to a bus to a tram up the mountainside.  The bus was exact fare and we didn’t have it. Before we could ask if anyone spoke English and had change, a couple behind us said “we’ll pay for the four of us ($1.20 each). We thanked them and remarked that she had an English accent. She said they were from London.  We said we hadn’t met anyone at all in our trip.  He introduced themselves and Doris and Yaacov.  I said he didn’t sound English but rather Arabic, not meaning offense by it.  He said that he came from Aden or Adnan or something – an Arab country. But he was a young boy when his family was kicked out and ended up in Israel – he’s Orthodox Jewish and she’s Conservative Jewish.  I remarked how strange that wherever I go, the people I bump into always seem Jewish.  She remarked “So who else could (a) afford to travel from London/NYC to Hong Kong except Jews” (b) would want to spend their money traveling and having new experiences instead of putting on a new roof, or buying a new truck or new clothes? – only us Jews.”  Not necessarily true, but I saw her point. I guess the Diaspora made us naturally curious about the world around us. Yes, millions of non-Jews travel daily – but disproportionate numbers of Jews travel on vacations (expensive ones).  And there were two synagogues in Hong Kong province. I remarked how awesome a place we were in, and when I saw the view at the top and that there was a restaurant overlooking all of Hong Kong, I asked about New Year’s Eve. They said “no problem, we have a special deal”.  I said “okay” and we dressed up and went.  ONLY the waiters were Chinese. EVERY single person was Caucasian. I guess I wasn’t the only one whose idea was to go there for New Year’s Eve. Hundreds of folks.  Nice night and what a view. The city stays open just for the night so we could celebrate the Christian new year. Subways and busses usually close at midnight but were open 24/7 for the holiday. Safe? You could feel the communist presence. Cops are around nearly every corner.  One day we got some outrageous breakfast pastries and ran onto a train. Sat down on the train and carefully ate them. Finished and not wanting to make a mess (the city is VERY clean), we put it all (napkins, etc.) back in the bag. I turned around. We were sitting underneath a sign that said IN ENGLISH – “$250. fine for eating food in the subway train”. At least we picked the right spot to sit!  No wonder the Chinese on the train put down their cellphones (they ALL have them growing out of their ears, or so it seems) to watch us eat (but no one said a word to us).  Very polite society.  At least we finished the pastries before any cops got on the train!  We went to a Disney-type Park “Ocean Park”. Combo Seaworld (trained seals and dolphins), amusement park, etc.  Had something to drink (Green tea with honey). The brand ? Coca-Cola!  They own things we didn’t even imagine they owned.  Went for lunch in a fancy restaurant there. The waiter asked if wanted silverware instead of chopsticks (which I know how to use). We said “when in Rome”. Of course we weren’t in Rome, but you get the cliché? Marcelle did fine using them for a first-timer. I guess when it comes to eating with chopsticks, you can say that Marcelle was a virgin chop stick user and I showed her how to do it so she is no longer a virgin–chop stick user.  The guy said he’d suggest foods for us. We said “no, we’d like to order on our own”. We ordered 3 dishes and he flipped out. Said we wouldn’t like them.  We took a chance. Seems that they were EXACTLY the same dishes we eat every time we have Chinese in New York!  He was shocked that they have the exact same food in NYC.  He asked “Do Americans really eat black tree fungus?”  We assured him it’s in nearly every “Hot and Sour Soup” consumed in the USA.  We also ordered dimsum appetizers.  In nearly every non-tourist restaurant we ate, we had the same experience – they bring out the food as it’s ready. So we got our main meals first and then the appetizer. Or Marcelle would get her dish first, then when she (or I) would be finished, they’d first bring out the other person’s first dish.  They never heard of serving them both at the same time, or drinks first or appetizers first.  They didn’t want us to wait – as soon as the kitchen said it was ready, it was served. Different culture. Since Hong Kong is a very tourist-friendly economy, their bathrooms were mostly Westernized. Took a cable car past the only one family homes we saw.  Each had it’s own pool.  We were told they were million dollar plus homes.  Too little land and too many people. Everyone lives in HUGE high-rise apartments unless they are VERY rich.  Nearly every store caters to rich tourists (I was shocked to learn that Louis Vuitton bags really exist outside of the guys selling “knock-offs” on the streets of Manhattan for $15.). Nothing is really cheap in either Tokyo or Hong Kong, but the quality was there in nearly everything we saw.  I guess cheap crap is stuff sold in NYC and Europe as “bargains”.  Went to two Buddhist shrines. What amusement for us.  One of them was in the city.  Everyone brings things to be blessed – not by priests, but by the things sitting there next to the person praying.  They bring chickens, oranges and apples (to stick incense in) and various food products.  From a religion point of view I saw this: Jews/chickens/kapporitz. Chinese/chickens/waving incense around the chicken.  Hmmm. Similarities are too eerie. They leave the used incense/apples and oranges. The shrine has “sweepers” who use brooms to sweep up the foods left over into huge garbage bins and then the next wave (about every 10 minutes) of praying folks walk up to the shrine.  We went to the biggest Buddha statute. Really looks old. The plans were agreed to in 1971 and the shrine was dedicated in 1993.  An antique!  Interesting.  IF you donated $ to build it and then died, your name – and if enough $ given, a picture of you – are on the inside wall of the shrine.  Two red lights at the ends of the list in each room are lit.  Looked exactly like the walls on the synagogues I’ve been in during people’s “Yahrtzeit”.  So many similarities.  It seems that when Buddha died at 80 or so, they cremated him (like most Indians).  But they saved his ashes and counted them out as individual pieces the size of a rice.  Divided up (supposedly) 84,000 pieces and sent them to 6 countries that followed his teachings at the time he died. TWO of the pieces of him were donated by Sri Lanka (Ceylon to those over 50) to this shrine and were enclosed in glass. You walk by this huge glass ornate enclosed case, but far enough that you can’t begin to see the two pieces of ash, which they claim have “jewel-like properties”. I was gonna say something like “Nice piece of ash” but didn’t want to get thrown off the cliff that the shrine is located upon.  Had a brand new cellphone that I knew didn’t work in Tokyo or Hong Kong, but it is also a PDA and I wanted to play with it (program it) on the LONG plane rides. So I brought it with me and lost it the first day. I feel NAKED without a cellphone.  We drank a LOT of tea. Somehow the Oolong tasted better in Hong Kong and the Green Tea in Japan than in the USA.  So many people in such a small place (Tokyo AND Hong Kong). There are “suburbs” but no-one lives in them – it would entail over an hour commute and that appears to be incomprehensible to them both.  I could see opening something in Hong Kong and being successful but in Tokyo, if you weren’t one of them, no one is coming to your store (my impression). IF I ever win Lotto and have enough to retire, I’m going to Tokyo to buy an entire new wardrobe. They have absolute quality stuff imported from everywhere.  And I’ll head to Hong Kong for a new watch, cellphone and take a one family or penthouse apartment overlooking everyone.  Tokyo – VERY crowded. Women all appear to be petite. Okay, I’m gonna get flak for this – I couldn’t help noticing that not one Japanese woman had a round ass. They all seemed flat across, though small. What do guys there do for handles? They need to interbreed with some Italian or Latino chicks! They eat strange combos. Things that just wouldn’t go with my palate together.  Not speaking the language, we got good at pointing. We went to Denny’s. The coffee, tea and chocolate were the same. Everything else was Japanese and didn’t come close to American Denny’s cuisine (but it was part of the same chain).  One day we went to eat in this local joint. I asked for Pizza and Iced Tea. Got a seafood dish and coke. I asked the people in the next booth if they spoke English. They said “a little”. I asked them to ask the waitress (who was standing there, perplexed at my yelling) for Pizza and Iced Tea. They all began to laugh. In Japanese, it’s “Pizza, Iced Tea” !  The waitress turned red, took the food away and brought me the correct food. I guess dumb waitresses are universal.  Nearly everything in Tokyo AND Hong Kong is vertical. Restaurants advertise that they are on 8F (8th Floor).  Japan was very non-tourist friendly. Yet the people are friendly. The only English signs you got to see is when they really HAD to (major intersections, main train station, airport, etc.).  You can really sense the pride that they have over being Japanese. Almost like the French without the major chip on their shoulder.  Nearly everyone seemed to know some English and were eager to help a tourist in THEIR country.  Most of the non-tourist bathrooms are Eastern/Asian style. In tourist areas they have BOTH. What is Eastern/Asian style? A toilet on the floor. You squat and aim and hope that the people before you had good aim and didn’t splatter too much. NOT what we’re used to. AND no Charmin. Not good. Fortunately I’m a guy so I was able to work it out okay. Marcelle was running around looking for “Western style” bathrooms for three days.  They don’t take tips – why should they? They are supposed to be doing a job and that was what they were doing. What a concept – doing your job without looking for extra.  UnAmerican! Went to the various Shinto shrines. Even went to the Emperor’s Tokyo Palace (which is open only two days a year and we were there during one of them). Interesting religion.  Our hotel was from floors 19 to 36, with offices below. Typical of Japan.  Nice room with many amenities but not large (can’t – no room in the city!).  Internet came included, of course.  $4.95 for Ethernet cables, sold at the check-in desk !!!  After all, this was Japan, home of many well-known electronics manufacturers. Puerto Rico 1/2004: OK. So I was just in Hong Kong & Tokyo.  But I really needed a vacation by myself. Nothing to do with the girl I’m dating. I just need to get away from it all and do my own thing. But before I left, I thought I could do a “Valentine’s Day” gift for her and booked Las Vegas from Friday night to Monday night (President’s Day holiday). I kept typing in “February” on the JetBlue booking sheet. It kept changing it to April. I then started in with some “IM” online. Forgot what I was doing and hit “confirm”. I was in Puerto Rico when I had to call Jet Blue to change the (incredibly cheap) flights I had booked (NON-refundable) from April to February.  Which they let me do, for an additional fee, of course. Originally I said I wouldn’t bring any work or laptop or cellphone to Puerto Rico since I wanted to “get away”. Then I lost my cellphone. That made it easier for me to keep my word. But I had to bring work and laptop.  With Atkins I was doing good on diet. But NOT on vacation. No Atkins during vacations. My Rule. (And it’s been since August that I’ve kept it off). Couldn't wait to start the eating part of my vacation. Got to airport on time (NO traffic), so I had a beer and said "I'm on vacation - no atkins". I weighed myself before I left. Haven't weighed this little (23 lbs less) in several yrs. I'll have "room" to gain!  Then I had a hamburger with fries. UMMM!  (THIS may be the best part of the vacation!).  They sat me next to a guy who just got out of the hospital for gall bladder surgery & was going to his mom's house in PR to recuperate. He only threw up once (but got CLOSE to the bathroom and NOT on me, when he did).  Everyone on plane was sneezing and coughing. Lovely.  No sooner did we land than I realized "It's the Caribbean".  They announced on the plane luggage will be at Claim counter "B".   We got off, ran there & waited. 10 min. later they announced the luggage would be at "C".  Got to hotel. Remembered it - stayed here w/my ex. Hated it.  Very shabby looking.  Tons of Puerto Ricans.  They actually have notes in the room asking guests to DRESS UP after dark. Yeah, right. I'll wear my good T-shirt!!!! I’m on vacation. All these Puerto Ricans in the casino – the women all have behinds bigger than the Great Wall of China - & EVERY single one of them was wearing something skin tight to accentuate how fat their butts were.  Incredible. It’s amazing the difference between Japanese female butts and Puerto Rican women’s.  Japanese are flat across (nearly every one I saw in the 3 days I was in Tokyo). NO meat or curves.  Puerto Rican women have butts that look like basketballs – they stick out, they’re round and huge.  I know it’s stereotyping, but I call it like I see it. Got to hotel. Waited forever on check-in line for the one person that was checking people in.  Gave me a room and said I couldn't leave my golf clubs at front desk/concierge (UNHEARD of in any decent hotel - no one keeps their clubs in the room). (I went to manager & he over-ruled her for rest of my trip, but I had to take them with me for the night.  Shlepped them up to a room that was a pigsty - never cleaned from last guests. CARIBBEAN/Puerto Rico !!!  Shlepped down the elevator, THRU the Casino to another elevator to the Lobby - they said their computer says it is a clean room. I told them to come up & see.  They did. I refused to take the room. They said, "No problem" and gave me keys to the room next door. They opened it up for me. Clean (old, but clean). Put my stuff in and shut door behind me to go get another drink. Keys don't fit the room. I can’t get into my room. BACK to front desk.  On 3rd try I finally got to get keys, clean room, etc.  They have full internet access - for $15. per day! Oh well. It's Puerto Rico.  And that’s just the first night.  OK – next day – got up, checked my email, did some work & sent it to the office. TECHNOLOGY – is it a g-dsend or what? Without it, I couldn’t WORK on vacation. Without it, I couldn’t keep clients happy. Hmmm? Front desk tells me $100. r/trip to the “closest” golf course – same one I paid $80. r/trip in April and June from the Ritz Carlton.  OR I could RENT a car for $85. for 4 days!  And for $5.00 per day plus $1.00 per minute, I can rent a cellphone, forward calls from the office once my sec’y leaves, and people will never know I’m not in the office (sort of – when I yell into the phone “hold on” and then they hear me say “nice shot” to someone, they figure it out and ask “WHERE R U?” ).  So I head out without directions (I’m a guy, you think I’m gonna ASK?).  I remember the April and June cab rides and even stop in the same McD for lunch. Found it without a problem. YES! No Atkins on vacation (my own rule). Golf? I suck. But I love it.  I tell the people they put me with that the last hole will be my best, as the Golf G-ds want me to keep coming back for more torture.  My shots on the last hole could’ve competed with a pro, as I had predicated 18 holes back before I started. They were hysterical laughing at my predication coming true. The rest of the game? Let’s say it was warm and beautiful out and that made it worthwhile.  As I’ve gotten older (senile?) I’m rushed too much.  Didn’t pack enough underwear.  No idea how to say “underwear” in Spanish, but K-mart has such a selection, it doesn’t matter. Just took it to the cashier, plopped down the green and now I have underwear for the rest of the trip. Walking around K-mart, I noticed most P.R. women wear heels, just like Cuba – but there’s a certain something (the phonetic of the French word is gen-o-say-qua, but I don’t know how to actually spell the word) that Cuban women have. The fattest old lady still is sexy. These women, with their huge butts and high heels and skin tight outfits, they look garish to me. I guess if I were a Puerto Rican man, I’d find them appealing.  It’s what makes the world go round (sort of). Ate in Ponderosa Restaurant. Baked Potato and Dessert. NO ATKINS!  I may explode by the time I come home.  Back to the hotel, where they tell me the Internet to the Hotel Rooms is down. The Engineering Dept has to come to room, so they can call the front desk to be told the entire hotel is down. PUERTO RICO! Incredible.  As a guest, they are only charging me $15. per night for valet parking. AND $15. per day when the Internet is working.  In Japan the ‘net was free in every room. More to come … Days 3 to 5 – got up, golfed, ate, gambled, got up, golfed, ate, gambled. Notes: My conceptions of this place are only mine and I’m sure there are parts of Puerto Rico I’ve never seen. From what I have seen, there are more fast food joints (McD, Subways, Burger King, Wendy’s, “Church’s Chicken” and, of course, Taco Bell) per mile than anyplace I’ve ever seen in the world.  And the locals sell stuff along the roads – every single thing is deep FRIED!  In Poland they had similar kiosks every two feet on the highways and roads – they were selling kelbasa (barbequed MEAT) with Beer.  Not in Puerto Rico – in P.R. everything has to come with fried breading on top of it and something syrupy (coke, etc.) with it.  And every single place I went into had beer and wine next to the sodas.  Incredible.  Couldn’t scuba dive – seems the concierge only knew of one place that did EARLY dives. Would have to get up 5:30 AM (NY time). NOT for me. I’d put the mask on backwards.  They also only knew the one golf course I’ve been going to.  But when I stopped to eat in a Mall on the way home the 2nd day, I saw brochures that listed about a dozen golf courses and several dive shops. Too late for diving, but I went to one of the other golf courses. $190. for a game. WOW!  But twice as nice as the other course I’ve been playing. And twice as many mosquitos.  I ITCH! At least the anti-itch creams they sell here work for awhile. The last day.  SO typical Puerto Rican of a day. I get up and go to check out and golf one last time.  At the front desk is the same young lady that checked me in (3x)!  I tell her that I refuse to pay for 4 days of internet when it was down half the time.  She tells me – don’t tell my boss I told you – BUT if you go online and “register” as a future frequent user of our hotel chain (yeah, right) – we waive ALL the internet fees (of $15. per night) AND half the valet parking fees (also at $15. per night).  So back up I go, register, etc. and down again.  Bill is corrected for $240. less.  Now I leave late for golfing. Wonder if I’ll get in 18 holes before I leave for home. I usually get joined to a 3-some or 2-some. Not this time. I wanted to play by myself to speed things up.  Ran in to the pro shop, gave them my credit card and ran out. Not to worry. Only played 6 holes behind a group. Then everyone let me ahead of them until there wasn’t anyone in front of me.  The pro shop sent someone in a cart to find me on the course and give me back my credit card that I had left at the pro shop in my haste. Senility at 52? Finished with enough time that I stopped into the RitzCarlton (the hotel I stayed in the last 2 times I was in Puerto Rico). Won $50. in craps in the half hour I played. THEN I had to travel PAST the airport – PAST the Car Rental place near the airport, so I could return the car to the location where I first got it. They had made a point of showing me that the receipt said “open 8 AM to 8 PM, 7 days a week”.  So I get a little lost, there’s lots of traffic and I get there about 15 min. behind my self-imposed schedule.  They have one person there, who says he’s closing early (5 pm) and I should bring the car back to the place by the airport (where I just came from).  Back into traffic, cursing.  I get there and they tell me there’s a shuttle bus every 15 minutes.  Twenty minutes later, the shuttle shows and says “Don’t worry”.  American Airlines? Did you confirm? I did – they said 6:45 pm and it’s 5:30 pm. Finally the drop me off at 6:00 PM. I run to counter for them to tell me I need my luggage to be checked by “Agriculture”.  Finally get to counter at 6:10 pm.  Then they tell me the flight is at 6:25, not 6:45 and they aren’t gonna rush to get my luggage on a plane in TWENTY minutes.  So I said, “fine, put it on the next flight and I’ll get it when it lands.”  They tell me that FHA/TSA regulations (BULLSHIT) require luggage to travel with the passenger. What if I had a bomb in my luggage and that was why I wasn’t on the plane?  I asked, isn’t that what the scanning and TSA are FOR?  They refuse to “rush”. Twenty minutes in Puerto Rico? It’s the Caribbean. They don’t rush. So I missed the LAST flight to Newark and they are sending me, 3 hrs later, to JFK, where I had to pay $80. to take a cab to Staten Island and then get my car the next night. Lovely.  I asked where the bar is in the airport. They have two of them. Both close at 6:30 pm!  So I ended up with a soda and an ice-cream sandwich for dinner.  A fitting end for Puerto Rico. I’m sitting on the floor at the gate (near the only electrical outlet since my laptop’s battery sucks and gave out) and they told me first that I’m stand-bye (but plane is not full, so they gave me an aisle seat, which I HATE) and that the 9:30 is DELAYED (as was my flight if they had wanted to seat me) and I’m not getting IN to JFK until 12:45 AM (I’ll be LUCKY if I’m home by 2 AM). How lovely.  Planes and I don’t along. When I checked in, they took my e-ticket printed out on the computer at home and never gave it back. I didn’t realize it until the day before I was leaving and had to call American to “confirm” and get the (WRONG) flight time info on the phone by 20 minutes – which I wrote down as they gave it to me, so I know it WAS them).  Airlines and me obviously don’t get along.  And this was the first time in 4 trips to P.R. that I lost at the Casino overall (though not much thanks to winning the last day). Richard Post-script: So we land at JFK at 12:25 PM. Get to a phone and confirm the car service is outside waiting for me. About 300 people waiting for luggage. Since I was so “early” in checking in to this flight, my luggage was put on first.  After about 250 people got their luggage, the conveyor belt breaks. By 1:40 pm I had my luggage. Put down my laptop to get the golf bag and suitcase of dirty clothes. Then ran to the car. Got there and yelled “my laptop”. Ran back – security got a good laugh handing it to me.  Forgot my e-ticket; Forgot my credit card; Forgot my laptop; Forgot many of my golf shots when keeping my score J   COMMENTS are always appreciated.